Thereís the guy I see around town sometimes, and he wears a skirt. Not like a slinky, foo-foo skirt. Itís a leather and brown denim affair, with pockets and whatnot. Itís like a ďmasculineĒ skirt, worn with boots and a T-shirt. Whatever. The guy looks like a douchebag.
Yesterday, I saw a DIFFERENT guy in the same sort of man-skirt. He was a real winner Ė pasty faced, tubby and sporting thin whisps of facial hair. He made the first guy look masculine.
Now I realize that I am hardly the best looking guy around, but I donít go out of my way to look like Iím angling for a lesson in prison-style sodomy. In other words, I donít regularly wear a skirt. Oh, I might have during a blearly-eyed Halloween party in collegeÖbut my point is that I donít do it every day.
So before another asshat in my fine town decides to wear a skirt to the grocery store, I suggest everybody read...
Gordís Guide to Skirts for American Men
The following people are allowed to wear skirts:
1) Top-level martial arts masters
The really old-style Japanese ghis had sort of a skirt thing instead of pants. My old sensei wore a black one as part of his uniform. He was undoubtedly the most badass mofo I have ever encountered. He can wear a skirt.
2) Properly accessorized Scotts
Do you know what my sensei called his Japanese, Jujitsui skirt? He called it a ďskirt.Ē He didnít have some fancy name for it. He didnít try to pretend it was something it wasnít. So you Scottish people ought to take note. Stop calling it a ďkilt.Ē Itís a fugginí skirt, OK? And not all you guys should be wearing one. In fact, there are only two times you should wear one. One - you are wielding a bagpipe. Two Ė you are wielding a claymore. So if you donít have that crazy woodwind, or giant sword on you, leave the skirt at home. Nobody thinks itís cool. Iím done pretending that itís alright because of your heritage. I donít care if your ancestors wore one. You donít see me dressing as a Welsh peasant. ĎNuff said.
Drag queens are allowed wear skirts. Far be it from me to deny a person part of his/her FABULOUS wardrobe. So George, youíre cool. You just wear whatever makes you feel pretty.