The Christmas gift. by Moose
The Christmas gift.
Ok, so I got this awesome Christmas gift from my parents this year. It was an assemblage (is that a word?) of gadgets for my iPod. It came with a portable charger, a FM transmitter (for cars that don't have a direct iPod plug-in to their stereos), a carrying case, a set of decent ear-buds, and a bunch of screen protectors. I'm an iPod FREAK, so I LOVED the gift as soon as I freed it from the wrapper!
As always, I forgo opening the rest of my gifts to play with my newest treasure. The first thing I noticed was the ENTIRE package was sealed in that lovely, industrial strength, seamless plastic. Great! So, I grab my Dad's trusty pocket knife and go to work.
After minutes of sawing away, I barely put a scratch in it. The plastic must have had carbon steel molecularly bonded to it at the sub-atomic level during its creation at the plastic factory. It laughed at my Dad's puny pocket knife and refused to surrender it's music goodness. I might as well have been using a nail file. The plastic wasn't about to give. I sighed and looked for an upgraded weapon with which to attack my foe.
I went straight to the car and grabbed my trusty Leatherman tool! It's serrated blade turned the once pristine plastic sheath into a mess of plastic tears that were razor sharp. I even had the pleasure of slicing my finger on one of the edges. A minute later, and I had everything freed of it's plastic prison. Or so I thought...
Each individual accessory was secured in its own little pocket by steel twisty ties and SCREWS! You had to unscrew the tiny phillips screws before you could even get to the metal twisty ties! Luckily, my Leatherman tool comes armed with everything a man could ever need in a bind, including a tiny phillips head screwdriver. After undoing all the screws and twisty ties, I finally unearthed my toys! The whole process took 10 minutes, a serrated blade, a screwdriver, and a bandaid for my partially severed finger ('twas only a scratch, really, but it sounded more dramatic that way!).
Seriously, I am all about loss prevention! I don't mind when I occasionally set off the in-store security system because the lady at the register forgot to deactivate one of a possible fifty security tags hidden in my purchase. I just smile, show my receipt, and go on my way. But who is the corporate genius that comes up with these packaging concepts?
Every DVD I purchase comes equipped with no less than five clear stickers that are a pain in the ass to remove..unless you buy this great $2.00 knife specifically made to open DVD boxes! Don't even get me started on music CD's. They are even worse.
Just for once, I'd like to be able to buy something, take it home, open the box, and enjoy my purchase! But no, everything sold today requires the Jaws of Life to open, a physicist to figure out how to assemble it, and 3 hours of your life to register it for a warranty.
"Hello Ma'am, I'd like to register my brand new Bluetooth headset for your complimentary 10 day warranty! Excuse me? The serial number? Which one is that? Cuz there are like 15 different groups of numbers and letters randomly scattered on the box, all of which exceed 150 characters! Oh here it is...in super fine print underneath the 5 UPC labels! Are you ready? Here it comes. No...that was an M..not an N! You want me to speak phoenetically? Sorry, ma'am..I only speak sarcastics and English. Never mind. If it breaks, I'll just re-seal it in it's industrial strength, radiation proof, plastic sarcophogas and return it to the store. Thank you!"