Nurse Jack & the Fat People by Nurse Jack
My good friend Nurse Jack has something to say. He's a surgical nurse who has just about had it with a certain segment of our population.
Now I know that I have spoken on this before, but once again the subject is fat people. I'm not talking about need to lose a few pounds, take off thatholiday turkey covered in gravy fat. I'm talking need to lose a hundred or three fat.
Examples:
1. I'm waiting for the school bus to unload a few little tykes, and one of the cute little ruggers runs across the road to his filthy duplex. There, his cute little puppy greets him wagging tail and all. Mom steps out, or rather rolls out. She's lookin' good too. She's about 5'4" and 350# if she's an ounce. Big black tattoo on her necks (pleural) and both arms, suckin' on a Pall Mall,40 in the other hand. AND skin tight pink polyester shorts and (God help me) a crop top. It was about 35 degrees out. Kid's pettin' the dog, I'm sure the highlight of an otherwise shit life, and the mom yells "get your fuckin' lazy ass in the house!!!"
Poor little guy. Not that her being fat had to do with her parenting skills, but it just made the whole spectacle that much worse.
2. 20 year old rich (apparently) 5'2", 320 pound, 2-pack a day smokin', chin hair girl. Fat enough that her ankle broke under the weight of it all. Blubbering and snotting on my arm while I tried to hold her for a spinal tap. I'll bet this isn't what Cobain was singing about in 'Smells like teen spirit'. You ain't smelled nothing until you've smelled unwashed, yeasty, smoky folds.
3. 800# 25 y/o........nothing else to say.
4. 550# 3 pack a day smoker, wonders why his cardiac output is about 35% of normal, and he has to sleep sitting up.
5. Panniculitis, peritoneal: Condition of the peritoneum, most commonly of the mesentery, but also of the omentum, charaterised by tissue thickening, alteration of fat cells, infiltration of lipid-laden macrophages, and fibrosis.(from on-line medical dictionary). In lay terms: Most of us have the same number of body parts give or take a table-saw accident. Commonly referred to as a “pannis.” This is the term we use to describe a whole extra body part that you managed to achieve purely by eating. It's the fat that hangs down from your belly button area that you have to lift up to find you wanker to pee.
I live in a county where 64% of the population is MORBIDLY OBESE, as in if you don't lose some weight, your fat is going to smother you in your sleep, and your heart is gonna shut down, or your knees and ankles will break under your own body weight.
TAKE IT EASY ON THE FUCKING BIG MACS PEOPLE, THE GREASE SPOTS YOU LEAVE ON THE LININ ON MY STRECHERS IS GROSSING ME OUT!!!!!
Truly yours,
Nurse Jack