The Homosexual Agenda - Televised
One of the most confusing things I hear out of the Religious Right is the term “homosexual agenda.” Like all the gays in country got together and formed an action plan – “How to Make America Super-Duper Gay.”
I know a number of gay guys (and gals, for that matter), and none of them has ever mentioned this agenda to me. So until now, I thought it was just another stupid thing the holy rollers invented when they weren’t busy raping choir boys.
But I have seen the light. As much as I hate to admit it, Jerry Falwell and the rest of his minions are right. There IS a Homosexual Agenda, and it can be seen right on your own television. It’s featured regularly on the “Homo & Garden Network" or TLC ("The Lame-ass Channel), or one of thosedang things.
The sole purpose of this show is to take a room in a regular guy’s house and make it VERY GAY. Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to tell you what the Homosexual Agenda is. They want to make America more gay - one room at a time. And they are doing it with the cleverly titled show, “Trading Spaces.”
For those of you who aren’t gay and/or don’t have cable, let me explain how it works.
Two sets of straight people trade houses for a weekend. When they arrive at their friends’ place, they discover a homosexual man with a camera crew. The homosexual (whom they call a “designer”) then convinces the couple to “really fag-up” one room of the house as some sort of revenge for a similar act of vandalism occurring in their own place.
The designer uses the infamous homosexual coercion method better known as the “C’mon. Be cool. Your friends are doing it” technique.
Once the straight people succumb to the wiles of the designer, the room is quickly emptied of all comfortable furniture and painted pink. The “designer” then coerces the straight couple to sew aquamarine “slipcovers” to hide anything remaining that might appear masculine. The homosexualization of the room continues in this manner for an entire weekend.
The show ends when the exhausted couples return to their own homes and survey the damage. This is usually followed by a big group hug, a lot of champagne and Barbara Streisand CDs.
Now I’m not normally in league with the Phil Graham, but I must take a stand. Trading Places has got to stop. My wife watches this show and is beginning to think it portrays normal decorating behavior. I do not want to come home from a business trip to find my office painted periwinkle and my monitor hidden under a lacey slipcover while “Funny Girl” plays gently on the stereo.