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War! Good God!

Can someone explain to me why having the National Guard in the airport makes me safer? Did the Guard actually stop the “Shoe Bomber” or any of the myriad of yokels who have blown through airport “security” lately?

I have no beef with the Guard. But frankly, these folks have better things to do. Last time I checked, they weren’t trained to back up Special Security Agent Makhmood when he tries to take away some old lady’s knitting needles. They are supposed to put down riots, quell looting, and generally kick ass whenever things get out of control on the domestic front.

If we want to use these guys effectively, I say we assign them to oversee the clowns who actually run the airlines. Remember, the hijackers only got on the planes because the airlines ignored their own security measures; not because there weren’t enough dudes with guns patrolling the airport. Lets station a guardsman (or guardswoman – however that works) behind every ticket agent to make sure he (or she) is doing her job.

Next time “Betty in ticketing” starts to lose focus, a swift prod from the business-end of an M-16 should remind her not to automatically issue a last-minute, one-way ticket to a cash-paying customer.

And what’s this bullshit with the mail? Remember back when the only disease-filled package you had to worry about was the one you got after the Tri-Delt formal? (Think about it)

As of now, I can no longer send mail from my office unless it has a return address! What genius thought this up? Can someone please explain to me how this is going to thwart the next terrorist? News flash: any guy smart enough to get weapons-grade Anthrax is probably going to use a phony return address on his Envelope O’Pestilence.

And while I’m at it, will all y’all kindly shut the hell up about the hundreds of Afgan civilian casualties?! Last time I checked, the USA had thousands of dead noncombatants. Thousands, folks.

Can’t we just drop the Big One and move on with our lives? This is getting asinine.